i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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