Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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