i don't like sucking hair
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
