Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
