Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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