good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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