i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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