I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
two words: eviction party
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
