He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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