he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize