In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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