Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
