i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
