Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
