He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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