well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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