Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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