She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
