i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
