dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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