I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She even gives head with a lisp.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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