as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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