If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
