I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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