we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
