Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
