I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize