so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
