How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
