I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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