Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
