New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
