capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
