Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
