I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
