I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When are your genitals available?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
