I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
