I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
