Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
