Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
