i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
