The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
