I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
