I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
