just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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