That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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