just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
