sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
