So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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