I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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