Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
