I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
