On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
