that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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