She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
