I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize