When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
