I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
