dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
